Warren Farrell is an American educator, activist and author of seven books on men's and women's issues. He came to prominence in the 1970s as one of the leading male thinkers championing the cause of second wave feminism, and serving on the New York City Board of the National Organization of Women (NOW). However, when NOW took policy positions that Farrell regarded as anti-male and anti-father, he continued supporting the expansion of women’s options while adding what he felt was missing about boys, men and fathers. He is now recognized as one of the most important figures in the modern men's movement.
In 2009, a call from the White House requesting Dr. Farrell to be an advisor to the White House Council on Women and Girls led to Dr. Farrell creating and chairing a commission to create a White House Council on Boys and Men. The multi-partisan commission consists of thirty-five authors and practitioners (e.g., John Gray, Gov. Jennifer Granholm, Michael Gurian, Michael Thompson, Bill Pollack, Leonard Sax) of boys' and men's issues. They have completed a study that defines five components to a "boys' crisis," which has been submitted as a proposal for President Obama to create a White House Council on Boys and Men.

Glen Poole

Glen Poole is a radical voice in the world of gender equality with a unique ability to bring together the many different factions of the "men’s movement" in pursuit of better outcomes for men and boys in areas like health, fatherhood, education and safety.
Glen is based in the UK where he hosts the annual National Conference for Men and Boys, is lead co-ordinator for International Men’s Day in the UK and globally and runs the consultancy Helping Men.

Prof. Alan White

Prof. Alan White has been developing his research and scholarly activity around men’s health for over 15 years. There are three main strands to his work: Gendered Epidemiology (exploring the data relating to men and their health and health service usage); Men and Public Health (how men engage with the health service and how the health service meets the needs of men); and Men’s Experience of ill-health. 
A pioneer for men’s health, Alan set up the Centre for Men’s Health in 2007 and has been the Chair of the Board of Trustees Men’s Health Forum (England and Wales) since 2001. He is also a Board Member of the International Society of Men’s Health. He sits on the joint National Cancer Research Institute and National Cancer Equalities Initiative Equalities in Research Committee.
In March 2012 he received the Nursing Standard Robert Tiffany International Award for his work on raising the profile of men’s health across Europe and leading on the State of Men’s Health in Europe Report for the European Commission.

Richard Aston

Richard is the Chief Executive of Big Buddy NZ. Big Buddy is a free, secular, mentoring service run by dedicated professionals who recruit and rigorously screen male volunteers from the community to become mentors to fatherless boys. Big Buddy are a registered charity, governed by the Big Buddy Mentoring Trust, and audited annually. The award-winning programme currently covers the Greater Auckland, Wellington and North Shore/Rodney areas, with expansion plans covering the rest of New Zealand. Richard is father of four grown children and grandfather to two mokos. He has been married to Ruth for nearly 30 years. When he is not running Big Buddy, he spends a lot of time with his family and friends, gardens, likes to read and write poetry and keeps up to date with current thinking in physics and psychology. He is a marriage celebrant and deputy chair of Consumer NZ.

David Bartlett

David has a longstanding commitment to gender equality and strengthening men’s roles in children’s lives. He worked as a social worker from 1987 to 2000; in 1997 he, set up NEWPIN’s community-based Fathers Centre in London. David was one of the founders of Fathers Direct in 1999. David builds national strategic partnerships and develops new opportunities for joint working. He advises nationally and locally on developing father-inclusive policies and services. He has written widely about fatherhood, including co-authoring the Institute’s Toolkit for Developing Father-Inclusive Practice.

Joe Puketapu

Joe Puketapu lives in Blenhem where he is employed as Co-Manager of Te Hauora o Ngati Rarua. As part of his role with Te Hauora o Ngati Rarua Joe was instrumental in the successful preparation and submission of a business case to the Ministry of Health to obtain funding towards holding the inaugural Tane Ora National Conference in 2009. The conference attendee’s mandated the conference organising committee to continue as the Interim National Maori Men’s Health Coalition of which Joe is currently the Chairperson.
In addition Joe holds many other roles as the Chair of Waikawa Marae at Picton, a Director of the Nelson Marlborough District Health Board, a Trustee of Te Atiawa Manawhenua ki Te Tau Ihu Trust, a Trustee of the Kimi Hauora Public Health Organisation, Chair of the Iwi Health Board and Board member of the Nelson Marlborough Conservation Board. His iwi affiliations are with Te Atiawa Nui Tonu.

Randal Ross

Randal has three traditional descendant backgrounds, his Aboriginal is the Bindol and Juru from the Burdekin and Bowen region and Kunjun connection in Coen/Lockhart River, his Torres Strait Island family is from Erub(Darnley Island) and is also a Kanaka descendent of the Australian South Sea Islander with many of his family residing in Ayr and Bowen Districts. Randal is a current Building Indigenous Research Capacity Scholar (BIRC) with James Cook University. Randal has had a strong background working with governments at local, state and federal levels in both Queensland and New South Wales. Much of his work has been related to working with Indigenous youth and families in both states. Randal’s future aim is to develop programs about restoring indigenous families particularly around men.  ‘Many of our Indigenous families are being headed by our strong Indigenous Women’ and Randal’s vision is to restore a vital cultural balance within the family by working with Men. Randal is a Cofounder of the Red Dust Healing program which has been operating with his Partner and Close friend Tom Powell for the past six years. Randal has now seen over five thousand participants participate in the Red Dust Healing from all ages from children, youth, Woman, Elders, Non Indigenous and especially Men with astonishing results. ‘It is our time to turn the hearts of the fathers to our children, and the hearts of our children to our fathers’.

The National Men's Health Gathering will be held in Brisbane on the 22 - 25 October 2013. For more information please visit www.workingwithmen.org.au 

Give the gift of health to the men in your lives and buy them a Mandate Leave Pass – It might just save his life!

HOW IT WORKS

Give the Mandate Leave Pass to the man/men in your life to take the afternoon off to go and see a GP for a general check up and then spend the rest of his day on a Man ”date”, doing something he loves with his mates.

HERE'S THE DEAL

For Women:

Women can be more comfortable talking about their health, we share so much – now it is time to encourage the men in our lives to have a check-up today – tomorrow may be too late. A Mandate Leave pass is a wonderful opportunity to talk to the man in your life. Buy the leave pass if you need to tempt him to make that appointment: every time he goes fishing or plays golf or does his thing, he knows he can thanks to you.

Get your Mandate Pass 

For Employers:

Look after your company’s most important asset - your employee’s health – buy them a Mandate Leave Pass to take some time off to go and see the GP and have the peace of mind that you are looking after the health and safety of your employees while supporting men’s health research. As an employer you can purchase bundle Leave Pass packs for your staff and they will be posted out to you the following day.

Get your Mandate Pass 

The PA Research Foundation’s Men’s Health Initiative is a wonderful opportunity to talk to the men in your life.
Buy them a leave pass if you need to tempt them to get to their GP
Every time they go fishing or play golf they know they can thanks to you.

Enables men

Trains men with knowledge and skills to support other men experiencing challenges with personal, relationship or mental health issues.

Equips men to take action to prevent male suicide and self-harm.

Builds capacity in workplaces, organisations and communities for male mental health and wellbeing.

Ideal for Workplaces, Community groups, Organisations, Churches & Church associated NGOs.

Over two days (or equivalent) we teach MensWatch participants about:

For more information go to www.youcanhelp.com.au

Men's Health Week is just 4 weeks away!

Men's Health Week is about encouraging local people to respond to the health and wellbeing needs of boys and blokes as they see fit.

Based on the idea that local people and local services are best placed to tackle health challenges, our 'Health Snapshots' theme aims to showcase the many different and creative ways local communities are responding.

You Can Order Poster and Flier Packs

To support your local efforts and help you look good, we're providing poster and flier packs free of charge.

Take a look, put them up at work or on the fridge and give some thought to how your boys and blokes are faring in your region...

And please, pass this on to your friends and colleagues (it's good karma!):

Run An Event - Get Some Giveaways

Of course, the best way to connect with local fellas is to put on an event that they'll want to be part of.

We've put together some useful places to find resources and create events that blokes and their families will want to part of.

And, if you do run an event, well throw in some extra special goodies to get the crowd talking.

You can register an event here - it need not be massive, just something that engages men in healthy living in some form. Check out what others are doing in your area.

The feminist movement is working to tackle misogyny and its many harmful consequences, but should it address misandry, the male equivalent, too? Photograph: Tim Wimborne/Reuters

It's difficult to deny that women suffer more than men as a result of their gender, and highlighting the myriad ways in which this happens is one of the cornerstones of modern feminism – which is currently enjoying a revival in the UK and elsewhere.

But justice isn't a relative concept. If it were, we could suggest we should care less about racism against black people just because Asian people in this country are more likely to be victims of racially-motivated hate crime.

Obviously that's nonsense. But so might be ignoring issues that affect men more severely than women just because women, overall, have it worse.

Delving into the data reveals a surprising array of areas in which men might have the hardest time. Here's six worth thinking about:

Domestic abuse

The home has long been the focus of feminist analysis as a realm in which men are able to exert their power over women. That may be true, but the statistics on domestic abuse in marriages may well challenge your assumptions. 3.4% of married women reported a case of domestic abuse over the past year. The proportion of men? 3.4%.

Married men and women were also equally likely to be victims of non-sexual family abuse, while for partner abuse and stalking, a greater proportion of men were victims than women. Given that men are less likely than women to report domestic abuse, those figures are also likely to be underestimates.

For single people, cohabitees, and divorcees, we should note, women report significantly higher levels of abuse than men.

Crime

There are far more men than women in prison. One explanation for this is simply that they are inherently more prone to violence, crime or drug-use.

But that attitude might conceal important facts, or even alternative explanations. 29% of male first-time offenders were sentenced to custody. For women, that figure was 17%. Men have a 62% chance of being bailed, while for women that figure is 80% and on average men serve 53% of their sentence but women serve 5% less than that.

The average length of the sentence, whatever the plea, also suggests that there may be some issues in the criminal justice system. Once in prison, men are likely to continue to suffer discrimination. A much-publicised scheme addressing the need to take away prisoner privileges applies only to men.

Employment

The focus on the persistent pay gap in this country is crucial, but it also obscures other important gender phenomena. Among these is fact that men are 20 times more likely to have a fatal injury at work than women. 

Men are also more likely to be made redundant and less likely to be re-employed than women. Note: these statistics are compiled for each gender - so the differences can't be solely attributed to the differences in male/female employment.

Education

The gap between men and women applying to, and entering, university is growing.

Claims that men are more inclined to go for jobs or apprenticeships aren't necessarily borne out in fact – each year since 2010, more women than men have started apprenticeships.

Even if the idea that men chased vocational qualifications were true, not continuing higher education continues to affect the average Brits' long-term prospects.

There are other important factors at play here. One study found that by the age of four, girls think they are more clever, hard-working and successful than their male classmates. By the age of seven or eight, boys come round to sharing the same belief.

The reasons cited included feminist influence on girls' self perception, boys' fears of being labelled as 'feminine' for taking a great interest in academic work, and crucially, teachers' lower expectations of boys than of girls.

Homelessness

It's hard to track down official statistics on homelessness that take account of gender. But in 2011 the housing charity Crisis found that 84% of the hidden homeless were male. And the latest CHAIN figures suggest that 9 out of 10 people sleeping rough are male.

According to Mankind Initiative in UK refuges or safe houses, there are 33 spaces dedicated to male victims of domestic violence (of which 18 are for gay males only), compared to around 4,000 spaces reserved for females.

Suicide

Mental health is an extremely complex and much neglected area of medicine. Sadly, one of the most quantifiable aspects of it is simple suicide statistics. For every single age group between 2006 and 2010, men were significantly more likely than women to take their own lives. There's a basic question that this raises: if those rates were the other way around, would they attract feminist attention?

What do you make of this data – and what else could we look at? Let us know below.

Download the data

• DATA: download the full spreadsheet

Men's Health Week is different from many health promotion campaigns. Often you'll see campaigns that aim to shock, scare, compel or otherwise encourage people in the community to do 'more of this and less of that'.

We think that there is a real opportunity through Men's Health Week to empower people on the frontline of health to work with and reach out to local men and boys and find out what can they can mutually achieve to live more healthy lives where and as they live.

Local communities are the best placed to take a stand on the health issues that result in statistics like 'five times more males than females take their own lives each year' and 'men can expect to live four years less than women.'

So, what do we recommend?

• Health services and organisations, workplaces, clubs and communities should work together to create events and promotions that encourage men to remain active in aiming for good health. This means involving blokes in creating events that are fun, non-threatening and an enjoyable way to lead into better health.


• Men and their families and friends should take some time to actively plan for better health this year. There's plenty of information, a host of health-related apps for health and wellbeing and many qualified professionals (including your GP!) who can provide advice specific to your situation.


• Most of all, don't ignore your health. If something's not right, get it checked.

• To create a showcase of events that worked directly with men and boys in their own communities about all aspects of physical, emtional and social health and wellbeing


• To help services run promotions, events and discussions with local men and boys in their communities for mutual benefit


• To promote systems that build male health and uncover the kinds of practices that work for men and boys.

'Health Snapshots' is about showcasing the diversity, range and variety of different events put on during the week around Australia and showing the community what's needed to improve male health. An essential part of this approach is about uncovering 'male-friendliness' in services - that is, the things that services are doing that actually work for men and boys. Things like being open so that they can come in after work, or showing men that they are ready and prepared for them.

What 'male-friendly' means is "Is our service actually welcoming and helping men and boys to achieve better health?".

As more events are listed on the Men’s Health Week website, you can see what’s happening around the country as we get closer to June. This map shows in real time the events listed on the Men’s Health Week website:

Please visit Men’s Health Week to see what’s on and list your event, order resources and connect with others who care about male health in Australia.

By reading this guide you're taking the first step toward regaining a healthy and satisfying intimate life with your partner. First we'll talk about why prostate cancer treatment so often leads to sexual dysfunction, then we'll look at what you can do to improve your recovery. Next you'll read tips for communication with your partner, and then get a list of questions to ask your doctor.

Why does prostate cancer treatment often result in sexual dysfunction?

The prostate is surrounded by sensitive nerves that both play a role in a man's sexual arousal and help stimulate the penis to become erect. During prostate surgery, it's very difficult for surgeons to separate the prostate from the surrounding nerves without damaging those nerves. The good news is that it is often possible for these nerves to heal, but the bad news is that this tends to happen very slowly — it's common for it to take a year, or in some cases even up to four years, before men see a return of their erection. Other things you should know:

1. Before prostate surgery, choose your surgeon and procedure wisely. Not all surgeons are created equal, and different surgeons may have differing levels of skill, or be skilled only in a particular procedure. The Davinci robot, for example, allows for the possibility of very little damage to surrounding tissue when operating on the prostate, but the surgeon must be extremely skilled in the tool — otherwise, you might end up worse off than with a less precise tool. The SMART technique has a good success rate when it comes to retaining potency. Do your research and decide what procedure and surgeon are right for you.
2. Following prostate surgery, men will no longer be able to ejaculate. Without the prostate and seminal vesicles, seminal fluid has no pathway to leave the body. Luckily, it is possible to still have satisfying dry orgasms, although this change may take some getting used to on the part of both partners.
3. If instead of surgery you've had hormone therapy, you may physically be capable of erection but have little or no interest in sex. This is a common side effect of the hormones being introduced into your body, and you should not blame yourself and make it clear to your partner that he or she is not to blame either.
4. Psychological factors also come into play after treatment for prostate cancer. These come in a few different forms:
   • Loss of libido can be devastating to a man, which often serves to reinforce the sexual dysfunction he's experiencing.
   • A common side effect of hormone therapy are bodily changes that some men find embarrassing or emasculating.
   • Following surgery, leaking urine during sex is common. For many men, the fear of leaking urine or being unable to get or maintain an erection creates embarrassment around the idea of sex, leading to avoidance.

As disheartening as they may be at times, all of these effects are normal. Remember that with time and treatment, it is often possible to recover and/or redefine a satisfying intimate life with your partner.

What are my options for recovery?

There are a few things you can do to drastically improve your sex life following treatment for prostate cancer. Some of these suggestions may be very different from how you've had sex in the past, but trying to keep an open mind regarding what sex is and isn't can go a long way toward helping you and your partner to rediscover each other sexually. For some couples, being open to new options paves the way for a mutually satisfying sex life that never would have been possible before cancer.

1. Penile rehabilitation. Penile rehabilitation is a treatment for erectile dysfunction that involves stimulating the penis intermittently during the recovery period. Treatment should begin as soon as possible following removal of the catheter post-surgery. There are several types of treatment that fall under the umbrella term of "penile rehabilitation":
   • PDE-5 inhibitors: Oral medications such as Viagra, Cialis or Levitra are often used successfully to stimulate the penis following prostate surgery. About 90 percent of patients will experience erections following treatment with these sorts of pills, so this is usually the first stop for patients with erectile dysfunction.
   • Penile injection therapies: This type of therapy is exactly what it sounds like — the penis is injected with medication to create an erection, which lasts roughly 30 minutes to an hour. The injection tends to sting a little, and it's important for patients to give their doctors feedback about the dosage, as too much of this medication may cause priapism, or painful erections lasting longer than four hours.
   • Vacuum erection devices: A vacuum erection device (VED) fills the penis with blood by creating a vacuum. Once an erection is achieved, it's maintained by then placing a rubber ring at the base of the penis. A benefit of VEDs is that a man or his partner can control exactly when he gets an erection, and using the VED can be incorporated into sex play. However, for some men this device feels less "natural" than other ways of getting an erection post-surgery, and some experience discomfort caused by the ring.
2. Meet with a sex therapist or counselor. It's natural for you and your partner to have a lot of confused feelings about sex following prostate surgery. Many patients become depressed or anxious, and many feel ashamed or frustrated by their difficulty achieving erection. Meeting with a sex therapist or a counselor during this period can be very beneficial to helping you and your partner communicate better, encouraging you to work through your feelings about how your sex life has changed, and finding new ways to connect sexually.
3. Use toys and masturbation in sex play with your partner. If you and your partner have never used sex toys or masturbated together before, it can feel awkward at first to incorporate these behaviors into your sex play. However, the benefits for both partners will likely soon outweigh your discomfort, if you have any. There are a few ways you can use sex toys and masturbation with your partner:
   • For men recovering from prostate surgery, the use of vibrators and cock rings may be beneficial in creating and maintaining erections.
   • If you're unable to achieve an erection strong enough for penetrative sex, using these toys on your partner may allow you to retain control over satisfying your partner.
   • Masturbating, both alone and with your partner, is a great way to reteach your body to respond to sexual touch, and to relearn what you respond to. By modeling to your partner what you like, you can learn together how to satisfy you — and you can demonstrate that an erection is NOT necessary to achieve orgasm.
4. Adjust your expectations. It's normal for men to experience sexual problems after treatment for prostate cancer. When you first return to being sexual with your partner, you should both go into the experience without any expectations of each other. You may not be able to pick back up where you left off, but you can forge new territory together, as a couple.

The goal is to make the recovery process one of exploration and discovery, as though you and your partner are getting to know each other for the first time. Sex will likely be different after prostate cancer than it was before, and it may at times be frustrating for one or both partners. However, by adopting an open-minded attitude and limiting expectations, you may find that you reach a new level of intimacy in your relationship.

Communication is key.

Talking about sex isn't always easy, even with the person you love. But like it or not, prostate cancer practically forces you to talk to your partner about sex. And as difficult as that may be for couples who are not accustomed to discussing sex, this may actually be the silver lining to the painful, life-changing experience that is prostate cancer.

Here are some tips for opening up a discussion:

• Don't wait. The longer you wait after treatment for prostate cancer, the more difficult opening up a discussion of your intimate life will be. And certainly don't wait until you're in the midst of a sexual situation — discuss your concerns or ideas in advance so that you both know what to expect.
• Be honest, even when it's difficult. Some men shut down when faced with impotency or fears surrounding their sexual performance. But this is the time when your partner needs to hear from you most. By diving into a discussion rather than keeping your partner in the dark, you reinforce to her or him that your relationship is important — and you open up the possibility of finding solutions together.
• Listen compassionately. Treatment for prostate cancer and the resulting complications can be just as difficult for your partner as they are for you. Allow your partner to share his or her feelings, and listen without judgment. Try to really understand where your partner is coming from.
• Don't assume you understand each other. Be clear and precise when you talk about sex. If you're worried about leaking urine during sex, for instance, don't try to get by on "I'm worried something bad might happen" and assume your partner knows what you mean. Be specific so that you're both really able to understand what the other is thinking and feeling.

When you start to talk to your partner about your intimate life, an amazing thing happens: You both become more satisfied, more willing to experiment with things you've always wanted to try, and in the end you may even become happier with each other.

Questions to ask your doctor

This article is meant to give you an overview of what to expect from sex following treatment for prostate cancer, but you should always check with your doctor before rekindling your sex life with your partner. Circumstances vary from individual to individual and from treatment to treatment, so your doctor will be able to talk with you about your specific situation. Here are some questions you might want to ask:

• Has there been nerve damage to the penis that may interfere with my ability to get an erection?
• How soon after treatment can I attempt to have sex?
• Given my age and the type of treatment, what are the odds that I will be able to get and maintain an erection after treatment?
• If I won't be able to have erections right away, how long should it take before I'm able?
• Will I need penile rehabilitation? What method do you think will work best for me?
• Have there been any new advances that may improve my odds of having a healthy sex life after prostate cancer treatment?

It's true: Sex may not be the same as it used to be. But by taking baby steps, it's possible to create a new normal with your partner that may even be more open, honest and intimate than the sex you used to have. You can never go back to the days before cancer, but move into the future without fear — and with your partner by your side.

We have a short, five question survey (attached) as part of this project. The survey asks questions about participation, what makes environments safe for men, and why or why not men get involved in male programs.

We would appreciate you promoting the surveys with your own groups and/or distributing it to your networks. The survey is designed for both men and women to complete.

Alternatively, the survey may be completed online on this link http://wcc.wollongong.nsw.gov.au/limesurvey/index.php?sid=12338&newtest=Y&lang=en.

We will also have the survey available at the following kiosks:

    Saturday 20 April 2013, 10am - 12noon, North Beach Kiosk, Wollongong

    Sunday 28 April 2013, 11am - 1pm, Coledale Markets, Coledale Public School

    Friday 3 May 2013, 11am - 2pm, Wollongong Produce Markets, Crown Street Mall

    Saturday 4 May 2013, 9 - 11am, Ride Around the Lake, Illawarra Yacht Club, Northcliffe Drive, Warrawong

If you have questions about the survey please contact me or visit Council’s Have Your Say website  www.wollongong.nsw.gov.au/COUNCIL/HAVEYOURSAY

Kind regards,

Fiona Darling | Community Development

Wollongong City Council
Community Cultural and Economic Development 

41 Burelli Street | Locked Bag 8821 | Wollongong DC | NSW | 2500 | t: (02) 4227 7492 |

I am a feminist. I have marched at the barricades, subscribed to Ms. magazine, and knocked on many a door in support of progressive candidates committed to women's rights. Until a month ago, I would have expressed unqualified support for Title IX and for the Violence Against Women Act.

But that was before my son, a senior at a small liberal-arts college in New England, was charged—by an ex-girlfriend—with alleged acts of "nonconsensual sex" that supposedly occurred during the course of their relationship a few years earlier.

What followed was a nightmare—a fall through Alice's looking-glass into a world that I could not possibly have believed existed, least of all behind the ivy-covered walls thought to protect an ostensible dedication to enlightenment and intellectual betterment.

It began with a text of desperation. "CALL ME. URGENT. NOW."

That was how my son informed me that not only had charges been brought against him but that he was ordered to appear to answer these allegations in a matter of days. There was no preliminary inquiry on the part of anyone at the school into these accusations about behavior alleged to have taken place a few years earlier, no consideration of the possibility that jealousy or revenge might be motivating a spurned young ex-lover to lash out. Worst of all, my son would not be afforded a presumption of innocence.

Getty Images

In fact, Title IX, that so-called guarantor of equality between the sexes on college campuses, and as applied by a recent directive from the Department of Education's Office for Civil Rights, has obliterated the presumption of innocence that is so foundational to our traditions of justice. On today's college campuses, neither "beyond a reasonable doubt," nor even the lesser "by clear and convincing evidence" standard of proof is required to establish guilt of sexual misconduct.

These safeguards of due process have, by order of the federal government, been replaced by what is known as "a preponderance of the evidence." What this means, in plain English, is that all my son's accuser needed to establish before a campus tribunal is that the allegations were "more likely than not" to have occurred by a margin of proof that can be as slim as 50.1% to 49.9%.

How does this campus tribunal proceed to evaluate the accusations? Upon what evidence is it able to make a judgment?

The frightening answer is that like the proverbial 800-pound gorilla, the tribunal does pretty much whatever it wants, showing scant regard for fundamental fairness, due process of law, and the well-established rules and procedures that have evolved under the Constitution for citizens' protection. Who knew that American college students are required to surrender the Bill of Rights at the campus gates?

My son was given written notice of the charges against him, in the form of a letter from the campus Title IX officer. But instead of affording him the right to be fully informed, the separately listed allegations were a barrage of vague statements, rendering any defense virtually impossible. The letter lacked even the most basic information about the acts alleged to have happened years before. Nor were the allegations supported by any evidence other than the word of the ex-girlfriend.

The hearing itself was a two-hour ordeal of unabated grilling by the school's committee, during which, my son later reported, he was expressly denied his request to be represented by counsel or even to have an attorney outside the door of the room. The questioning, he said, ran far afield even from the vaguely stated allegations contained in the so-called notice. Questions from the distant past, even about unrelated matters, were flung at him with no opportunity for him to give thoughtful answers.

The many pages of written documentation that my son had put together—which were directly on point about his relationship with his accuser during the time period of his alleged wrongful conduct—were dismissed as somehow not relevant. What was relevant, however, according to the committee, was the unsworn testimony of "witnesses" deemed to have observable knowledge about the long-ago relationship between my son and his accuser.

That the recollections of these young people (made under intense peer pressure and with none of the safeguards consistent with fundamental fairness) were relevant—while records of the accuser's email and social media postings were not—made a mockery of the very term. While my son was instructed by the committee not to "discuss this matter" with any potential witnesses, these witnesses against him were not identified to him, nor was he allowed to confront or question either them or his accuser.

Thankfully, I happen to be an attorney and had the resources to provide the necessary professional assistance to my son. The charges against him were ultimately dismissed but not before he and our family had to suffer through this ordeal. I am of course relieved and most grateful for this outcome. Yet I am also keenly aware not only of how easily this all could have gone the other way—with life-altering consequences—but how all too often it does.

Across the country and with increasing frequency, innocent victims of impossible-to-substantiate charges are afforded scant rights to fundamental fairness and find themselves entrapped in a widening web of this latest surge in political correctness. Few have a lawyer for a mother, and many may not know about the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education, which assisted me in my research.

There are very real and horrifying instances of sexual misconduct and abuse on college campuses and elsewhere. That these offenses should be investigated and prosecuted where appropriate is not open to question. What does remain a question is how we can make the process fair for everyone.

I fear that in the current climate the goal of "women's rights," with the compliance of politically motivated government policy and the tacit complicity of college administrators, runs the risk of grounding our most cherished institutions in a veritable snake pit of injustice—not unlike the very injustices the movement itself has for so long sought to correct. Unbridled feminist orthodoxy is no more the answer than are attitudes and policies that victimize the victim.

Ms. Grossman, an attorney and mother, lives in New York City.

A version of this article appeared April 17, 2013, on page A15 in the U.S. edition of The Wall Street Journal, with the headline: A Mother, a Feminist, Aghast.

Wheelers Hill father Sam Katakouzinos and his son Liam, 7years spend special times together. Picture: Janine Eastgate Herald Sun

MEN who don't see their children much can still be terrific fathers, a new survey has found.

The study from the Parenting Research Centre has found it is the quality of the relationship that matters, not the amount of time spent together.

Academic Nina Lucas and her team examined the wellbeing of 302 eight- and nine-year-old children with a non-resident father.

They found dads are important, whether they live with their children or not.

The team found dads who live away from the family home can, in some cases, have better relationships with their kids than those who live at home.

"Fathers can enhance child wellbeing even if the time they spend with their child is limited," Ms Lucas said. "Not all non-resident fathers fit the stereotype of being disengaged dads."

Australian Bureau of Statistics figures show 22 per cent of children -- just over a million -- have a non-resident parent.

The study also found children from separated families have poorer mental health than those from intact families, but that separation itself is not to blame.

Rather, it is exposure to parental conflict, along with socioeconomic status and parental mental health, that makes things difficult for children.

Akiva Quinn, co-ordinator of the YMCA DadsLink program, said children "truly appreciate time spent with dad, engaging together in new experiences and being part of a friendly community".

The study's findings were welcomed by Wheelers Hill dad Sam Katakouzinos, who separated from son Liam's mother about six years ago.

"The relationship you have to focus on is your child, and make sure you are really present when you are together," he said.

No matter what the details of your abuse, you can contact SAMSN about joining. Acceptance is an important feature of their joint recovery so the groups are open to men from different cultures and sexual orientation. There are clear guidelines to ensure confidentiality and a structure that ensures the whole focus of the groups is SAFETY.

Men who have completed one of the 8 week groups can continue to use the support of other Survivors. SAMSN men meet once a month to continue their shared journey at relaxed meetings with the same support, same safety and same mateship. “Don’t let those feelings of isolation back into your life,” says Mark Griffiths. “Keep in contact with SAMSN and in helping yourself, you will help SAMSN grow so it can help other men like yourself.”

If you decide you want to join a group, one of the psychologists who will be facilitating the group will get in touch, ask you some basic questions and outline how the group functions.

Participants who have a GP referral will be eligible for a Medicare rebate of $20.45 per session. SAMSN is happy to recommend GPs if you require one.

To register your interest please visit www.samsn.com.au/sydney-8-week-groups/ or call 0479 195 756. If they are unable to take your call please leave a message and know that they will get back to you within 24hrs – they do not leave messages on voice mail and they will keep your details private.

Comments from SAMSN 8 week group participants:

“The privilege of being heard and treated as a valuable being among others is an enormous gift that life doesn’t readily deliver. It makes it possible to be more who you really are.”
Bran, 41

“The group has made me a much more confident and stronger person.”
Trev, 46

“Hearing other people’s stories, the similarity of emotions and effects … It has made me realise that my feelings are normal after what I have been through. It has given me more confidence. I highly recommend it.”
Talal, 36

“My anger is now directed outwards at the man that abused me instead of at me. I can now see how the abuse has affected me, I have stopped abusing myself! I have the courage to tell people I am a survivor.”
Mark, 40

“This has helped me heal a very difficult, complex wound that I have carried since childhood. It has given me the opportunity to look at something I have kept pretty much to myself and has helped me to heal.”
Jonno, 40

“Just knowing that I am not alone, that other guys have gone through what I have and can understand how I feel is so powerful! I only met these guys eight weeks ago, but we have known each other all of our lives.”
Stu, 51

Sex myths: surprising findings. Photo: Jessica Hromas

It's true that in the complicated and convoluted world of sex, myths will always abound. But a slew of research has disproved some beliefs, mostly based on long-held, gender-based stereotypes. It seems, contrary to what pop psychology books and magazine covers would have you believe, women are not from Venus, nor are men from Mars. Herein we dispel these and other commonly held sex myths.

1. Men are more interested in casual sex than women

FALSE: Despite what sitcoms since the 1970s would have us believe, men are not all out to spread their seed on endless one-night stands. Professor Terri Conley from the University of Michigan recently reviewed an oft-cited 1989 study which supported the theory that men are more interested in casual sex. In that study researchers trained young men and women to proposition strangers for sex. They found 70 per cent of the men approached by a woman seeking sex saying, 'sure' while not a single woman agreed. Conley argued that there is evidence that cultural factors play a major role and context was needed. In her study, when men and women considered hypothetical offers of casual sex from famous people, or offers from close friends whom they were told were good in bed, the gender differences in acceptance of casual sex disappeared.

2. Men want to sleep with their friend's wives

FALSE: If you're worried about adultery within your friendship circle this new research may ease your concerns. A recent study from University of Missouri found that male testosterone levels drop when interacting with the spouse of a close friend. Why there may be ample opportunity due to time spent together, researchers believe it might be an evolutionary aversion.

"Men's testosterone levels generally increase when they are interacting with a potential sexual partner," said Mark Flinn, professor of anthropology at the university.

"However, our findings suggest that men's minds have evolved to foster a situation where the stable pair bonds of friends are respected."

3. Men have more sex partners than women

FALSE: According to a study published in the February edition of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, men and women have more or less the same amount of sex across their lifespan. While there are differences in sexual interest over a lifespan, the variation was highest between individuals, not between sexes. And while studies generally find men reporting more sexual partners than women, there seems to be some fibs being told. In 2003, researchers reported in the Journal of Sex Research that if you trick participants into believing that they are hooked up to a lie-detector test, women actually report the same number of sexual partners as men, with women more likely than men to have different answers depending on conditions under being surveyed.

4.  Headaches and sex don't mix

FALSE: That old 'not tonight love, I have a headache' excuse might not work as well as expected when your partner explains that, according to a recent study, they know just the cure. Research from the University of Munster in Germany found that having sex may actually be more effective in curing a headache than painkillers due to the endorphins triggered. They found that more than half of migraine sufferers in the study who had sex during a migraine experienced an improvement in symptoms, though for a third of the responding patients, sex worsened the migraines.

5. Sex is a great workout

FALSE: It seems getting horizontal doesn't have the added benefit of being the workout we once believed.  A recent study published in the New England Journal of Medicine debunked the commonly held notion after finding that on average a 6-minute romp (the average time they found sex to last) would only burn 88 kilojoules (21 calories). This is well under the inflammatory claims in the past of up to 1255 kilojoules (300 calories) burnt per encounter. You could burn those same 88 kilojoules by taking a 4-minute brisk walk around the block followed by a cold shower.

T4DM is a study into whether diet and testosterone can prevent type 2 diabetes in men who have prediabetes and relatively low testosterone.

Researchers from the University of Adelaide will be recruiting about 1500 men who do not have diabetes across Australia to join the study. Study participation will last approximately 2 years.

Participants will receive free access to Weight Watchers and treatment with either testosterone or placebo. Why join?  Who can join?

The study is now open. Click here to join.

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Rural and remote communities are at the centre of the mythology and cultural ethos of Australia. Most of us have indulged nostalgic and sentimental thoughts of the outback and life in the bush – helped along perhaps by a film we’ve seen. But the reality of life for many people in rural and remote Australia is quite another story – and one that needs to be told. The fifteen programs in the Living Outback series will draw out the reality of life in rural and remote communities, in order to highlight their needs and struggles, but as well their successes and dogged determination to somehow shape a new way forward – a new future for themselves. 

Dr John Ashfield, Project Consultant

LIVING OUTBACK WEBSITE    www.livingoutback.com.au

Program Details - Subject to change without notice

LIVE STREAMING – ACROSS AUSTRALIA AND WORLDWIDE - www.pbafm.org.au

Fifteen weeks beginning 8.30pm Monday 01 April; repeat broadcast 9am Friday 05 April. 

NOTE - Australian Central STANDARD Time – CHECK www.timeanddate.com 

BROADCAST - ADELAIDE

Fifteen weeks beginning 8.30pm Monday 01 April; repeat broadcast Friday 05 April 9am

PBA FM – tune to 89.7 on the FM band in metropolitan Adelaide.

COMMUNITY STATIONS ACROSS AUSTRALIA

Some community stations in all states may choose to run these programs. For a full list of stations, state by state, see http://www.cbaa.org.au/Who_We_Are/Member-Stations

Enquiries and feedback – Tony Ryan, PBA FM, Salisbury, South Australia

Mobile 0408 883 334       Email -  learningworks@pbafm.org.au

A devastating blow for “Gender Theory”: the Nordic Council of Ministers (a regional inter-governmental co-operation consisting of Norway, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, and Iceland) has decided to close down the NIKK Nordic Gender Institute. The NIKK had been the flagship of “Gender Theory”, providing the “scientific” basis for social and educational policies that, from the 1970s onward, had transformed the Nordic countries to become the most “gender sensitive” societies in the world.

The decision was made after the Norwegian State Television had broadcasted a television documentary in which the hopelessly unscientific character of the NIKK and its research was exposed.

The producer of the series is Harald Eia (pictured), a Norwegian comedian, who had gained some popularity in Norway with his satirical TV shows. Besides being a comedian, Mr. Eia also holds a degree in social sciences. He was puzzled by the fact that, despite all efforts by politicians and social engeneers to remove “gender stereotypes”, girls continued to opt for typically “female” professions (such as nurses, hairdressers, etc.) whereas boys continued being attracted by “male” careers (such as that of technicians, construction workers, etc.). Indeed, rather than being reversed by “gender equality” policies, the trend became more accentuated.

In his documentary, Mr. Eia just went, in the company of a camera team, and asked some innocent questions to the leading researchers and scientists of the NIKK. Then he took the replies and brought them to leading scientists in other parts of the world, notably in the UK and the US, asking them to comment on the findings of their Norwegian peers. As was to be expected, the results of the Norwegian bogus science provoked amusement and incredulity among the international scientific community – especially because it was based on mere theory, never supported by any empirical research. Mr. Eia filmed those reactions, went back to Oslo, and showed them to the NIKK researchers. It turned out that, when confronted with empiric science, the “Gender Researchers” were speechless, and completely unable to defend their theories against the reality check.

What is more, the bogus was exposed to ridicule in front of the entire TV audience, and people began to ask why it was necessary to fund with 56 million Euro of taxpayers’ money some ideology-driven “research” that had no scientific credentials at all.

As it turned out, a few innocent questions, asked by a comedian, were sufficient to bring down the pompous edifice of “Gender Theory”. It is hoped that the lesson will be heard in other countries, or in the EU and the UN, where this ideology still holds sway in the corridors of power…

To wacth Mr. Eia’s documentary in full length, visit this site and, when asked to enter a password, type “hjernevask” (the Norwegian word for “brainwash”, which was aptly chosen as title for the documentary). Non-Norwegians don’t need to worry – there are English subtitles.

Part 1 – ”The Gender Equality Paradox”
Part 2 – ”The Parental Effect”
Part 3 – ”Gay/straight”
Part 4 – ”Violence”
Part 5 – ”Sex”
Part 6 – ”Race”
Part 7 – ”Nature or Nurture”

Today's Sydney Morning Herald features an article by Guy Mosel titled 21st century man: lost and anachronistic. Overall it's a very good overview of the various strands of the men's movement. However, it suffers from a couple of problems that most media coverage of men's issues falls into.

Firstly, while highlighting many of the issues that are faced by modern day males, it sometimes presents them as if they are "men's own fault", rather than focusing on the social determinants that give rise to them. For example, men are called "stupid and "lacking ambition." Imagine we called women "stupid and lacking ambition" in the 1950s when females were underperfoming at schools and in the workplace! Imagine we called girls suffering from eating disorders "stupid"! We don't do this for women - we see the larger social structures in place that cause their problems - so there's no reason to do this for men.

By taking this at times hostile and sneering look at the men's movement, the article illustrates very well the challenges faced by men's activists. Media coverage of the women's movement is, on the whole, favourable and sympathetic. When the men's movement actually gets some media coverage (such as Mosel's piece), it is treated quite differently.

Secondly, the article ignores all the wonderful things that men and boys do every day to make the world a better place: fighting bushfires and floods; building the roads, buildings and infrastructures that we all depend upon; mining, logging, deep-sea fishing, long-distance transportation; doing frontline dangerous work in the military, police and security - risking their own health, safety and well-being to help others. Not to mention being great husbands, boyfriends, partners, lovers, mates and mentors, and increasingly being irreplaceable hands-on dads.

And while the article presents the men's movement as a rag-tag mish-mash of disparate views and opinions, the same can easily be said of the women's movement. Both movements are essential to make the world a better place for all people - men, women and children. And both movements are necessarily diverse - as diverse as our societies are.

But these quibbles aside, Mosel must be given credit for taking the time to research and write such an in-depth article about the men's movement - one that will raise these issues with a wider mainstream audience, and hopefully stimulate some much-needed discussion about men and boys and their needs.

Here's the article...

It's a Monday night at the Parramatta City Library and a bald, bespectacled man is perched on a tiny red plastic stool in the young adult section, trying not to cry. Five other men, also balanced on stools not designed for grown-ups, sit close by, forming a misshapen circle with him. Dads in Distress doesn't usually meet here, but the convener left at home the keys to the meeting room in the nearby council building and the security guard is nowhere to be found. So here they sit, these six grown men, among the Harry Potters and The Hunger Games and the Twilights.

The man is talking about his son. Earlier he'd dashed off to a quiet corner when his phone rang; he says he gets to say goodnight on the phone but it's not the same as tucking him in. There are nods and murmurs and wearied sighs of understanding. There's also plenty of anger. Some of the language used to describe the mothers of their children is not for polite company, but this is not a place for political correctness; this is not court-ordered mediation. This is a place to talk and rant and cry, safely and free of judgment.

DIDSS Parramatta convenes weekly. The group's regulars know all of the stories inside out, but they sit patiently while everyone has their say. The tales are uniformly saddening, often maddening. One talks about the four vexatious apprehended domestic violence orders taken out against him by his ex-wife, each one causing him to miss months of contact with his children. Another is panicking that his daughter's mother may be plotting to move her overseas. He reads a stream of abusive, threatening messages from the woman off his phone.

When James Fraser* separated from his wife, he still supported his family and was able to see his six children daily. That all changed when he started seeing another woman. They divorced, sold the house and the pair's respective lawyers worked out a parenting plan that allowed James time with the children every second weekend. His ex-wife hasn't always kept to the arrangement.

"Nobody has to keep to [the parenting plan] because it's not enforceable," James says, smiling as if to underscore the ridiculousness of it all. "I asked my lawyer if we should go to court to get a court-ordered arrangement and he said, 'No, they're pointless. There's no one to enforce them either'."

The breakdown of his second relationship and ongoing depression and medical problems means that James, a teacher with a degree in psychology, is now jobless and living in a boarding house. "I feel very hopeless," James says. "I'd love to be able to work and get a job and get a place, but I don't think [my ex-wife] is ever going to stop preventing me from seeing the kids."

"The library will be closing in five minutes, thanks," an officious young man interrupts. He casts a quizzical eye over this motley crew of sorrowful men, huddled together like campers around a fire. "You'll have to leave, I'm sorry."

Men, some say, are in trouble. They're stupid, they lack ambition, they're depressed, they're killing each other and they're increasingly alienated from their children. In popular culture, idiots and Peter Pans are celebrated, from the degenerate buffoonery of the The Hangover gang to Charlie Sheen's uber-douche bag on Two and A Half Men. While women have made incredible strides in the past 50 years, substantially reshaping the expectations of their gender, men have wallowed in their own cliches.

Males are increasingly becoming second-class citizens in education, with boys falling behind girls both in participation and literacy, while the gap between the genders in tertiary study completion is growing. In 2009 in Australia, 77 per cent of all suicides were males, while they also accounted for 71 per cent of murder victims. And according to a 2010 Family Court report based on almost 4000 cases, fathers were awarded the most time with their children in only 18 per cent of litigations; in instances when the parents came to an earlier agreement, that number fell to 9 per cent.

In her book The End of Men, Hanna Rosin says men are in a "transition moment" but have failed to adapt. "A century can go by and [men's] lifestyle and ambitions remain largely the same," she writes. "For most of the century, men derived their sense of manliness from their work or their role as head of the family.

"Some decades into the 20th century, those obvious forms of social utility started to fade. [Men] lost the old architecture of manliness, but they have not replaced it with any obvious new one." Lost, floundering, underachieving, anachronistic: introducing 21st century man.

In response to this crisis in masculinity, a fledgling men's movement has emerged. While men's groups have existed since the middle of last century, it's only in the past decade, driven in part by the growth of the internet, that something approaching a movement has materialised. It is, however, a broad church, containing a spectrum of male advocacy organisations from pro-feminist groups that believe feminism's aims benefit both sexes, to extreme misogynists who treat gender relations as a zero-sum game.

Yet while the movement remains deeply divided on just how great the problems facing men are, and who exactly is to blame for them, they are united in the belief that men's issues are largely ignored by policymakers, the media and the broader community.

Sex Discrimination Commissioner Elizabeth Broderick concedes that the Australian Human Rights Commission has no initiatives targeting men. "We have very limited resources, so our work is necessarily directed at identifying the greatest areas of gender inequality," Broderick says. "So, while we actively engage with men and some of the men's groups, we have not directly worked on men's rights issues."

Many men's groups would not be surprised in the least by this, especially those whose members call themselves "men's rights activists" or "advocates". MRAs argue that the problems men face are not merely a result of oversight, but fundamental, systemic, gender-based discrimination. Mothers are favoured in parental disputes because men are perceived to be less nurturing and more violent; males are falling behind in education because women have been favoured by government education programs; men are all-but-ignored by public health initiatives.

For years a number of Australian organisations have been trying to push men's issues to the front of the national agenda. Barry Williams of the Lone Fathers Association has been advocating, quite successfully, for fairer treatment of men in separations since 1973, while the Men's Rights Agency, founded by Sue and Reg Price, has been working for two decades to end "hostility" towards men and provide legal and other professional services to men in need.

Some organisations take a more attention-grabbing approach: witness the controversial "Domestic violence: women are half the problem" posters plastered all over the Monash University campus in August by A Voice For Men.

And yet the men's movement, locally and globally, remains less a "movement" than a Wikipedia entry; a catalogue of individual groups, each arguing for some form of "change", often at cross-purposes. Even those who share fundamental agreements on key issues are often unable to reach a compromise. Nowhere is this more evident than in the interaction between two of Australia's most prolific and public men's advocates.

Greg Andresen from Men's Health Australia has emerged as a fresh face of the men's rights movement. Raised by a feminist mother and now a father of two young children in a modern, responsibilities-sharing relationship, Andresen is as far removed from the "angry old divorce" cliche as you can imagine. He, in fact, rejects the MRA tag, noting the extremist tendencies of many who share that label, and prefers to think of himself as a human rights activist.

Meanwhile, University of Wollongong lecturer in sociology Michael Flood is a prominent, pro-feminist, men's advocate and an ambassador for White Ribbon, the campaign to stop violence against women. Also a father of two young children, he's written dozens of papers and articles about male-on-female violence, making him a bete noir of MRAs the world over.

On paper, there seems to be more that unites the two men than divides them, yet Andresen and Flood have traded cyber-barbs for years. Andresen believes there is "institutionalised discrimination against men"; Flood acknowledges areas of male "disadvantage" but says the men's rights movement "vastly overstates" it.

It's the subject of domestic violence that most bitterly divides the pair. Andresen is one of the founders of the One in Three campaign that argues at least one in three victims of family violence is male. He points to data from the Australian Bureau of Statistics' 2006 Personal Safety Survey that shows 29.8 per cent of victims of current-partner violence since the age of 15 are male. Other research collected by Andresen suggests women are just as likely to be the perpetrator of "family violence" as men. He says organisations such as White Ribbon perpetuate the notion that men are always the aggressors.

"Instead of supporting female victims and reducing male violence … [organisations such as White Ribbon] attack, diminish and downplay male victims of violence," Andresen says. "The gender of the victim shouldn't matter. If a man's being abused, he's being abused and he needs support."

Flood acknowledges some men are indeed the victim of domestic hostility, but makes no apologies for White Ribbon's emphasis on male-on-female violence, arguing that One in Three and others cherry-pick data. "[They] draw on studies … that don't address issues of impact or intensity or meaning or severity or fear or injury and so on," he says.

Flood contends that men's rights groups are obsessed with proving female aggression when they should be focusing on the biggest perpetrators of violence against men: other men.

Still, cultural resistance to the notion of female-on-male domestic violence remains. Some men do suffer at the hands of their female partners. Data released in 2009 by the NSW Bureau of Crime Statistics reveal the number of women charged with domestic abuse had risen 159 per cent in the eight years to 2007. MensLine Australia, which provides online and phone counselling for men, handles 40,000 cases every year, many to do with domestic violence.

Bill Stephens* suffered a 15-month onslaught of verbal, emotional and financial abuse from his wife after an illness left him partially paralysed. She verbally attacked him for not being able to provide for his family, withheld money and ostracised him. Eventually, the abuse turned physical and Bill fought back. His wife fell, knocking her head on the floor. She called the police.

They asked Bill if he wanted to press charges. "In hindsight I should have said, 'Yes, charge her'. I didn't. I regret it now."

The police recommended Bill leave the family home. With nowhere to go - "How do you tell your mother that your wife's bashing you up?" - he lived in his van for six weeks. Then he rang the NSW Department of Community Services domestic violence hotline. "The woman there told me, 'I don't believe you were assaulted by your wife. Only men assault women'."

Bill says he came close to suicide. Then a woman at the UnitingCare Burnside centre, which generally helps at-risk children, invited Bill to come to counselling.

It saved him. He has since remarried, completed a chaplaincy course and now helps homeless men, many of whom find themselves in circumstances he can relate to.

"Trying to tell people your story, when they won't believe you … it's just soul-destroying," Bill says. "The first thing I say to men who've been through something like me is, 'I believe you'."

Another group, A Voice for Men, takes a somewhat paranoid tack. Its legion of writers and followers present a more extreme face of the men's movement than the likes of the moderate Men's Health Australia. "It's unfortunate," says founder Paul Elam, "but we live in a world where, if we talk nice, if we just say everything with concern for mainstream sensibilities, then we will end up where men's issues all end up - which is totally ignored."

Says feminist and sociologist Eva Cox: "They're determined to be victims.'' Cox, who's often sparred with MRAs in a long career at the pointy-end of the so-called "gender wars", laughs at the word "activist". She says if these activists are serious about social change, "they should try some activism".

"That's why I think most of the men's movement is crap. All they want to do is complain about how hard done-by they are, rather than trying to adjust those things they think might be contributing to that," she says.

Cox says many of those things that MRAs complain about are a direct result of a system that still views gender roles through an outdated prism. "I certainly think there are men that get a rough deal in society … but how many men are out there asking for shorter working hours? How many men are out there asking for more money for the care jobs?" she says.

Flood, meanwhile, argues that men can benefit from groups pushing for "changes in models of masculinity", but says "men aren't suffering systematic discrimination or oppression, so we don't need collective advocacy'' for rights in that sense. "There are all sorts of ways in which dominant roles of masculinity are limiting for men. And harmful."

In June 2011, Thomas Ball, a leader of a branch of the Fatherhood Coalition in the US, stood on the steps of a courthouse, doused himself in petrol and set himself on fire. In a 10,000-word "last statement", he blamed 10 years of custody battles for his actions and advocated violent overthrow of the police, the courts and the government: "There will be some casualties in this war. Some killed, some wounded, some captured. Some of them will be theirs. Some of the casualties will be ours."

Ball has become a hero for fathers' rights advocates; a martyr prepared to pay the ultimate price for his beliefs. And yet, more than a year since the horrific act, the men's movement appears no more unified or organised; they may be angrier than ever before, but the anger remains unfocused and scattershot. There is no universally accepted umbrella group, no broad doctrine on which all can agree.

In fact, in Australia, MRAs will tell you the movement has been set back this year by amendments to the Family Law Act. Ostensibly designed to increase the system's ability to protect children from harm, fathers' rights activists claim the changes are a politically motivated move by a feminist government to deny fathers' rights.

Back in Parramatta, the DIDSS group has moved to a nearby takeaway. There is more talk about individual cases - good lawyers to speak to, bad lawyers to avoid, forms to complete - but discussions about how unfair "the system" is are rare. Would they like family law to protect men's interests better? Sure they would. But this is not a political action committee, and the various concerns of the men's rights movement are as irrelevant to these guys as the prices of haute couture in Milan. They just want to see their kids.

The mood is brighter now. The hustle and bustle of dinner peak-hour is more energising than the sombre quiet of the library, with its ominous warning signs about respecting the silence. Bitterness and worry remain, but now they're tempered with optimism, even some humour.

"It's the 70 million tomorrow night," says one, referring to the OzLotto jackpot. "Bloody hell, that would change a few things." "I'd hire the best lawyer in the world," says another, "and just buy my kids back." Everyone laughs but, when the guffaws die down, a prolonged silence follows.

There are worse ideas.

* Not his real name.

Percentage of mothers given sole custody

7% in litigated cases
Less than 1% in non-litigated agreements

Percentage of mothers given primary custody

59% of litigated cases
67% in non-litigated agreements

Joint custody

15% of litigated cases
18% of non-litigated cases

1% of litigated cases

Illustration: Simon Bosch

On March 15th the following letter appeared in the Sydney Morning Herald:

Violence against men is not played down

In Guy Mosel's article "21st century man: lost and anachronistic" (March 11), a Men's Health Australia spokesman claimed that "[organisations such as White Ribbon] attack, diminish and downplay male victims of violence". This is untrue and I challenge MHA to provide evidence of such attacks.

We sent the following letter in response but the Herald didn't print it.

Dear Sir/Madam,

In Friday's letter, Andrew O'Keefe from White Ribbon Australia (WRA) challenged Men's Health Australia (MHA) to provide evidence of WRA attacking, diminishing and downplaying male victims of violence (as claimed in Guy Mosel's article "21st century man: lost and anachronistic").

As part of the member feedback work we are doing for the Department of Families and Housing, Community Support and Indigenous Affairs (FaHCSIA), our next paper (Paper No 5) is going to address the topic of Parenting Plan/Agreements.

We have developed a survey via the Survey Monkey tool seeking input from our Members and the broader community. The survey is in two parts - the first part is seeking information on individual Parenting Plan/Agreements but at all times protecting the privacy of survey participants. The second part is seeking broader information about Parenting Plan/Agreements.

I would appreciate your time in completing the survey which can be done by clicking on the following link;

https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/ParentingPlans

Yours sincerely

Barry Guidera
CEO

Rationale

In response to a now well-documented decline in the overall well-being of males in postmodern culture, a group of Australian, Canadian, European and American scholars have gathered to work together to publish research essays, opinion pieces, and book reviews on all aspects of the male experience.

Main Foci

Several broad areas of fundamental interest and concern have been identified:

(1) the experience and outcomes of education for boys and young men, (2) challenges and difficulties of developmental transition for males – especially adolescents, (3) significant disparities in health outcomes for men compared with women, (4) the vital role of fathering, (5) the inordinate number of males in the penal system, (6) the characterisations of men and boys cultivated within popular culture, academe, and many social institutions,  and (7) how men experience and are affected by the kinds of occupational, familial, and social roles that are culturally required of them.

Tri-annual Publication

New Male Studies will three times annually publish invited manuscripts by experts in their fields as well as contributions by young scholars and others submitted for peer review.

Website design and web hosting provided by the Australian Institute of Male Health and Studies.

Editorial Stance

The journal’s editorial and advisory board members envision the new male studies as providing an academic, non-polemical, and proactive forum for the clarification of issues and the promotion of fresh approaches to understanding and addressing challenges boys and men currently face.

Quantitative and qualitative research, opinion pieces, essays, and relevant book reviews are welcome, as are reflections of a personal nature of interest to those who have had similar experiences.

Scholars will be published who work in areas as diverse as: law, economics, psychology, biology, genetics, medicine, anthropology, literature, education, forensics, public policy, demography, history, sociology, and other related disciplines.

The journal will play a pivotal role as a forum for discussion, and a clearinghouse of work being carried on in academe, government, and at the grassroots level. The work of all academics including independent scholars is especially welcome.

NMS Position Statement

Discussion of gender in the last half century has often been characterised by a polarisation of the sexes; making it very difficult to engage with issues of vital importance to healthy interpersonal and social relationships. Gender ideology - and reactions against it - all too often have not only curtailed possibilities of reasoned dialogue, but have sidelined crucial informative evidence and silenced individuals with unpopular views.

NMS recognises the need to pursue a different approach to understanding gender issues and the contemporary experience and roles of males in society; an approach that is:

·      open to constructive academic dialogue guided by available evidence of a range of different academic disciplines, consideration of both men’s and women’s particular cultural experience and circumstances, and the indispensable contribution both sexes make to the quality and viability of family and community life;

·      guided by principles of equity, intellectual integrity, and a view of human experience, society, and ethics that is inseparable from biological, psychological, cultural, economic realities

·      careful to avoid intellectual reductionism, political partisanship, ideological advocacy and defensiveness, while instead openly pursuing enquiring and dynamic multidisciplinary scholarship

Download NMS Volume 1 Issue 1 (2012) as a PDF

Download NMS Volume 1 Issue 2 (2012) as a PDF

Download NMS Volume 1 Issue 3 (2012) as a PDF

Download NMS Volume 2 Issue 1 (2013) as a PDF

Events are in the planning stages for Mike's return to Australia in 2013. There will be two visits Down Under in 2013. The overall organiser for the March events is Donovan Pill. Anyone interested in sponsoring an event can contact him for information and scheduling. There will also be events in Broome, Western Australia the week of June 17th. Scroll down to June for those details.

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March 1-3, 2013

Maldon, Victoria, Australia

Victims No Longer Weekend #7

Friday 1 March, 6pm – Sunday 3 March, 2pm

South Eastern Centre Against Sexual Assault (SECASA) invites male survivors of sexual abuse/assault to participate in a residential retreat weekend facilitated by Mike Lew, the world renowned author of ‘Victims No Longer, The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse’, & ‘Leaping Upon the Mountains’.

If you are interested in taking part in an incredible healing journey, please join us. No longer forced to suffer alone, survivors and professionals continue to develop resources and support systems that move the recovery process forward.

This weekend workshop is for non-offending adult males survivors of sexual abuse and rape. It provides a variety of healing activities: sharing of stories, writing exercises, anger work, group discussions, shared creativity, relaxation and even fun in a safe, nurturing environment.

The event is for men who are actively engaged in recovery work, and is not a substitute for therapy/counselling. A letter of recommendation from your counsellor/therapist or support organization should accompany your registration. Considerable attention has been put into creating a safe, nurturing environment respectful of people’s needs

The weekend focuses on the reality of recovery as revealed by male survivors.

The workshop will be held in central Victoria at:
Derby Hill Blue Light Youth Camp, Phoenix Street, Maldon, Victoria 3463

The fee of AU$400 (inc. GST) covers accommodation and all meals. A deposit of AU$50 is required with your booking, with the balance payable by 15th February 2013 (with no refunds after 25th February 2013). Progressive advance payments welcome, following an Invoice request. No one will be turned away through inability to pay in full. A contribution to enable others to attend would be very welcome.

Please obtain an application form for completion, and return together with your deposit or full payment to: Donovan Pill – SECASA P.O. Box 72 East Bentleigh 3165 Telephone enquires 9928 8741 Email Donovan Pill

I have decided to do something about it.

Recently I started a petition directly targeting Cricket Australia to drop their association with their current Alcohol and Fast Food partners Carlton and United Breweries, Coca Cola and KFC. Advertising Alcohol and Fast Food through sport is just not Cricket!

Kids are being bombarded with messages from these suppliers and having sport used as a vehicle to promote their products is unethical and is sending the wrong message. Although my petition is targeting Cricket Australia, I believe that success with this campaign will discourage other sporting bodies and make them think twice before considering partnering with companies that provide products that are detrimental to people’s health and well being. To send a clear message to Cricket Australia I am aiming to have 100000 on board with my petition by the end of March this year.

I believe that many parents throughout Australia are concerned about the issues surrounding targeted advertising towards children. What Cricket Australia is doing by partnering with their current sponsors is a concern to all who have kids that have an interest in Cricket and indeed sport in general.

Already I have received widespread support from organisations in the alcohol and other drugs sector. FARE and its blog Drink Tank, the Cancer Council of Tasmania as well as mainstream media have covered my story both locally and nationally however I need more support to reach my goal.

I hope that you will join me in my journey and I encourage you to take 20 seconds and sign my petition and share it with a couple of friends or family members. Together we can make a difference to the health and well being of our kids and our communities around the country, the link is below.

http://www.change.org/en-AU/petitions/cricket-australia-stop-advertising-alcohol-and-fast-food-at-events?utm_campaign=share_button_action_box&utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=share_petition&utm_term=35303044

Aaron Schultz – Lewisham Tasmania

From the Men's Health Information and Resource Centre at the University of Western Sydney.

2013 is shaping up to be a huge year for people working in male health. There's plenty on!

1. The eternal question: how do we get men to become involved in programs?

Not surprisingly, this is one of the most common questions as organisations consider how to meet the health needs of males. Engaging Men is an important training event to be held in Newcastle on March 14 and 15.

At just $400 for a full two-day program, you'll come away being a better worker with an improved ability to reach out to men and help them help themselves. It's the kind of event that will pay for itself just in improved attendance at your own events (think Men's Health Week)!

Find out the details >>

2. What actually works in male health programs? What have other people done that has succeeded?

Lots of people are doing lots of good work in male health. We set out to capture some of the results of this work through our new clearinghouse, MENGAGE. Usually when an organisation releases a report, they also issue a media release, maybe some photos, a summary document, maybe a video or recording. Normally, these items are distributed across their website.

What we do with MENGAGE is create a profile that links to these resources from one page. It's an easy, free way to complement your own website and help other services make better use of your hard work.

Find out the details >>

3.  Lots of talk about Closing The Gap and the health of Aboriginal people. 

The Shed at Mount Druitt in NSW has become a safe and trusted place where men and their families can come to access the kinds of help they need during difficult or not-so-difficult times.

We thought it was about time to tell the inside story of the work of The Shed. Our new 12-page ebook is a personal account of individual and community efforts to reduce suicide in their own community.

Find out the details >>

4. Three 'Save The Dates' you should diarise...

Here are three important dates for you to put in the diary. These are ideal development opportunities for services to better meet the needs of men and boys:

• Put this one in your diary - we're pulling together a unique event focusing on the transition of boys from school into the big, wide world. Thursday May 2nd 2013 in the Sydney CBD. 

• Men's Health Week starts on June 10th. You will be able to order resources to help you run events and get yourself an event profile on the website. Website opens March 4th 2013. 

• The big National Men's Health Gathering is on October 22nd 2013 in Brisbane! Actually it's three conferences rolled into one, so it's a great way to dive into the many aspects of male health work.

TUESDAY, 22 OCTOBER 2013 TO FRIDAY, 25 OCTOBER 2013, BRISBANE CONVENTION AND EXHIBITION CENTRE

Registrations and call for abstracts are now open for the National Men’s Health Gathering incorporating;

• 7th National Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander Male Health Convention
• 10th National Men’s Health Conference
• The Men and Vulnerable Families Forum

The theme of the Gathering is ‘Blazing a Trail: to healthier men and communities’

This year’s Gathering is in keeping with the theme and will be blazing a new trail. There are the best keynote speakers from around the world as well as many inclusions in the ticket price such as;

• Wednesday night cocktail reception with special guest TROY CASSAR-DALEY and his band (canapés and drinks included)

• Thursday night Gala Awards Dinner – This is a new initiative and will honour those who have made significant contributions to men’s health and the community. (We encourage you to submit abstracts to tell us of the work that you have been doing and may just end up receiving an award on stage!)

• Special Friday Gala Networking Lunch with special guest PETER FITZSIMONS

International speakers include:

• Prof. Alan White, UK - the world’s first professor of Men’s Health
• Mr. Richard Aston, NZ- chief executive of Big Buddy, a mentoring program for fatherless boys
• Mr. David Bartlett, UK -deputy chief executive, Fatherhood Institute UK
• Mr. Joe Puketapu, NZ - contracts manager, Te Hauora o Ngāti Rārua
• Mr. Glen Poole, UK - UK co-ordinator of International Men’s Day and Strategic Director of The Men’s Network
• Dr. Richard Fletcher –Family Action Centre, University of Newcastle

THIS YEARS EVENT SHOULD NOT BE MISSED, WE ENCOURAGE YOU TO JOIN US IN BLAZING THE TRAIL TO HEALTHIER MEN AND COMMUNITIES!

For more information on the National Men's Health Gathering please go to www.workingwithmen.org.au 

It takes a village to care, is the old adage. Family, friends, church groups, neighbours, schools and support groups are all playing an important role in helping people to care for the dying at home.

“I couldn’t have done it without the help and support of everyone here,” said Leanne, a participant in the ARC Caring at end of life study who cared for her loved one at home in his final weeks.

 Associate Professor Debbie Horsfall and a team of researchers from the University of Western Sydney, Calvary Centre for Palliative Care Research ACT, CSIRO and Cancer Council NSW are currently conducting research with carers in order to better understand what happens when people come together to care. The team has already spoken with health professionals and end of life service providers and now they want to talk with carers. 

Associate Professor Horsfall says, “We hope the research will inform palliative and public health policy, with the aim of positively impacting carers and caring practices, giving dying Australians a supportive, loving and more meaningful death in the place they choose.”

If you have cared for someone who died at home in the past two years we would be interested in talking with you about your experience of being supported by friends and family. 

Please contact Niki Read for more information on 02 4736 0368 or email: n.read@uws.edu.au. The project website can be found at www.caringatendoflife.wordpress.com.

Event Details

The 2013 Blokes Day Out Festival showcases services, resources and information on blokes' health and well-being that all boys, men and their families should know about. This is a family event with food, entertainment and heaps of great activities for all ages. The 2013 event will have a focus on young males around all aspects of their well-being including physical health, mental health and social connection.

Website

www.barwonhealth.org.au 

Related Documents

2013 BDO Information Sheet.doc (232448kb)

Those familiar with the fathers rights movement will be familiar with these stories but too many outside of that will either never have heard them or will be easy in their dismissal of them.  The idea that the abuse of men and boys is routine and systematic in our country is an issue that I have heard being laughed at, ridiculed, and simply ignored.

I used to be part of the women’s movement back in the day.  I remember a time when women’s issues were treated in just this same manner.  I went on to be active in that movement for many years, fighting for equality and justice and truth in every aspect of life, including the family.  Never for a minute during that time was it my intention to achieve all of that at the expense of men, I believed and still believe in true equality in which difference is valued and supported. I am deeply ashamed of the way in which the pendulum has swung so far that men and boys are suffering to a truly desperate degree.

Now before anyone gets on my case about this, I am aware that a) I get these letters because I write about family separation and b) because I articulate the experience of fathers in many of my posts.  I am sufficiently aware that this attracts fathers to read what I write and that this leads to them writing to me.  I am aware that in every case that I write about, there is another case that represents the experience of mothers which is not represented on this blog.  As one scathing commentator noted on a mumsnet thread recently ” thank you, I am aware of the one sided propaganda that is Karen Woodall’s blog!” (ouch).

I make no apology however for routinely articulating the experience of fathers in family separation.  I do this not because I am biased in favour of fathers or because I am a father’s rights activist.  I do so because a) there is genuine discrimination in operation against fathers in this country and b) there are not enough voices speaking up about it and c) the lack of voice is leading to the loss of good men (and boys) through suicide and self harm and loss of selfhood and in my view it is a national scandal.

Two recent letters that I received however, exemplify to me this scandal.  These two letters were sent by ordinary people, one a company director and the other the sister of a milkman, two letters from two ordinary people, doing ordinary things.

Those who write about family separation from the perspective of mothers, the same people who use flawed statistics to uphold the argument that fathers are not routinely prevented from seeing their children and when they are it is because they are indeed decidedly dangerous, will no doubt read this post and dismiss it as me being in favour of fathers over mothers.  And those who simply cannot believe that discrimination is as routine as the fathers rights movement make it out to be (it is oh so easy to dismiss the rantings of the rights based movements), will simply ignore it. But those who know that there is something wrong but can’t quite put their finger on it might want to take a moment to read and digest it because this is the reality for ordinary men in the UK.

Tony is a company director, he is in a powerful position and earns a six figure salary, but this is not the way that he describes himself in his letter to me which begins thus

I am in a terrible and awful emotional state, my hands shake and I cannot seem to stop crying. It is six weeks now since the final hearing when I was told that I would not be able to see my children again and that all I can do, from now on, is send them a card on their birthdays and a letter each month.  My two wonderful, beautiful, children.  Those little babies that I held in my arms and cried over with joy at their perfection.  Those little ones whose hands I held and faces I adored, who would be waiting for me when I got home and who would wake me up by bouncing on the bed in the morning.  How can it have arrived this way, how can I have been so clearly and firmly and coldly excluded from their lives.  I am an ordinary man, I am not one of those men who climbs up things to demonstrate, I am not an angry man, I am just an ordinary man.  I loved my wife and I thought she loved me, I never dreamed it would end up like this and the worst thing about it is that I cannot understand how it did.  I was one minute a husband and the next a criminal.  I came home one day and found my wife with another man, I knew she was seeing someone but I didn’t know it was my best friend.  I was so shocked I couldn’t speak for two days but I didn’t do or say anything, other than I wanted a divorce, which she too wanted of course.  Suddenly though it was as if I was a different person.  She began to tell me about all of the things I had done wrong in our marriage and how it was my fault that she had started up this affair, she said she no longer loved me and that I should move out (which I did), I now know that this was the beginning of the end for me and my relationship with my beautiful children.

This letter goes on to describe the way in which this man was accused by his wife of violent behaviour (she said he had broken a drawer by banging it and that he had shouted at her during the argument over him returning home to find her with another man), there had been no physical violence other than that mentioned and no previous history of violence either reported or alleged.  His efforts to establish a routine in terms of his relationship with his children however had been thwarted by his children’s mother and so he had been forced to resort to the court process where he expected that ‘justice and fairness and common sense would prevail.’ His closing remarks in his letter represent so many of the parents who are denied all three through the court process, he said -

‘I went into court hoping that I would get the kind of routine in place that would benefit my children, so that they knew when they would see me and we could rebuild the relationship that had been so badly damaged by the separation.  I came out of the court process feeling dehumanised, despairing and suicidal.  I had been forced to attend and IDAP course as a condition of my retaining the potential to see my children, this came at great personal cost (as well as the fact that I had to pay to be so humiliated) as I was told that I should feel ashamed of myself and that I should accept the mantra  ’once a violent man, always a violent man’, I felt beaten, tortured and in deepest despair at the hands of women who appeared to me to enjoy their power over me.  When I finished the course my ex wife told the court that she was still afraid of me, which lead to more exhortations to change my behaviour if I wanted to see my children.  In the end I gave up, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t cope with anymore.  I went through the final hearing in a state of complete and utter helplessness and hopelessness, no-one cared, no-one listened and no-one, at any point in the proceedings, ever seemed to think that it even mattered at all whether or not I saw my children and they me.  I am a broken man and I do not know how to put myself back together again.

In our training workshops with practitioners we often use the stories that we are told by parents to determine the level of empathic understanding of the experience of mothers and fathers.  Whilst this is a relatively new story, it is remarkably similar to so many more that we have been told in our work.  When we use these stories we do so to draw out the way in which practitioners have been influenced to think about the parents that they work with, they usually fall into two distinct camps -

Camp One – the feminist inspired – he’s lying, there’s always two sides to a story and anyway the courts don’t stop contact unless there is a very good reason, we would like to hear his ex wife’s side of the story.

Camp two – the personally inspired – the poor man, he has gone through exactly the same thing as my brother/uncle/friend went through, its just horrible what they do to fathers in the courts.

Our training aims to get everyone into

camp three which is the equalities inspired – this is wrong, the system is inherently discriminatory because it was designed to ensure that mothers care and fathers pay and therefore any father (or mother) who does not wish to fit this stereotype (by, for example, sharing care), risks being judged unfit and wanting and losing their relationship with their children.

I should be very explicit here and say that camp three is not the same as the equal parenting argument.  Equalities based support of parents is not about 50/50 shared care, its not about presumption and its not about parental rights.  Equalities based support enables parents to make choices about the way in which they are involved with their children on an ongoing basis after separation and it values mothers and fathers for the different things they bring to children’s lives.  Equalities based support of separated families begins with the equal opportunities statement ‘men, women, different, equal and it seeks to establish the kind of support services that enable children to have relationships with both of their parents in ways that are configured around their changing needs.  Equalities based support of separated parents offers the kind of empathic responding that recognises and acknowledges the reality of the barriers facing fathers in our legislation and seeks to enable the overcoming of these.  Equalities based support has no truck with any rights other than those of the child and the right of its parents not to be routinely humiliated, tortured and left despairing in the attempt to continue to be there for them.  Equalities based support starts and ends with valuing both parents for the different things that they bring to their children.  And it requires those who espouse it to speak, even in the face of ridicule and even in the face of cross fire from both sides of the rights based fence.

So what about the milkman and his story.  Well, suffice to say that his is not too far away from Tony’s story, ending also in the loss of family and the loss of dignity and the loss of the business in the end due to depression and inability to sleep making it difficult to get up in the morning and deliver milk.  Sadly, though this was not the very end of the milkman’s story as he ended up dead in a ditch, freezing to death due to exposure after drinking himself into oblivion in an effort to kill the pain.  His sister wrote to me to tell me his story and she ended with the words ‘we tried everything we could to keep him alive but the despair and the grief and the sheer downright injustice of it all just got to him in the end.  He couldn’t function, he lost all of his spirit and his dignity and he just drank himself to death.  It wasn’t a surprise actually when they found him but it has left me eternally angry that his life was taken by people who think they are doing the right thing when all of the time their agenda is to just get rid of the father so that the mother can go on and do as she likes. We will have to live with this loss for the rest of our lives and, actually, so will his children, who will one day no doubt, want to know what happened to their dad.  He wasn’t a bad man, he was just a man and it seems to us, from where we are looking, that was what went against him.  All we can do is ask why and hope that someone, somewhere, will do something that makes it different for the next lot of dads that come along.’

So, people in places of power and influence, tell me again that our family justice system is working and fathers are only excluded because they deserve to be.

I want a family justice system which is fair for all who encounter it and I want family services that start and end with valuing the things that mothers and fathers bring to children’s lives and I want fairness and equality for all of our families.  I want to live in a world where fathers are not routinely humiliated just because they are male and I want to live in a world where dignity and choice and relationships are routinely upheld and supported, not destroyed and damaged beyond repair.

A world in which mothers and fathers who suffer through the experience of family separation are helped to work together, not be torn further apart by the legislation that surrounds them and the lopsided practice that upholds the wellbeing of one over the other.

And without doubt a world in which the effort to maintain a relationship with one’s beloved children does not result in despair or even in death.

But If no-one (but the fathers rights movement) speaks of dreadful things, then these dreadful things will continue to happen.

Men, women, different, equal.

Let it start and end with the value we have for each other.

(This post is in memory of ‘Daniel’, who died in 2012)

The 1 Billion Rising campaign has created a YouTube video called "Man Prayer," with words by Eve Ensler and film by Tony Stroebel.

The video notes read as follows:

Violence against women hurts everyone, including men. We invite our brothers to take up this cause, and be free from the limiting strictures of our modern definition of masculinity! #MenRise

There are so many things wrong with this video and the 1 Billion Rising movement that it's hard to know where to start.

Of course I support initiatives to reduce violence around the world and in our communities. In fact, much of my work for the past 10 years has been doing just that. I don't however support initiatives that do this by stereotyping and stigmatising any group, be it based upon gender, religion, race, age, sexual preference, socioeconomic status or any other demographic category. And I don't support initiatives that aren't based upon the evidence.

The message I get from the video is that men, boys and masculinity are bad, wrong, broken, stupid, violent and domineering. A message like this only creates violence, it doesn't reduce it.

Imagine a similar hypothetical video featuring girls and women saying "may I be a woman who is more rational and less emotional, who is a better partner who nags less, who pays my own way rather than being a gold digger" - and on and on using the worst stereotypes of women and girls. Now imagine that this hypothetical video was written by a man. How many women would accept it? The fact that the "Man Prayer" video was written by a woman, featuring the made-up 'voices' of men is deeply offensive.

The "Man Prayer" takes the worst stereotypes of men and masculinity that are held by a small percentage of men (and also a small percentage of women) and reinforces them, while painting the picture that females are free from the same and other vices.

The 1 Billion Rising campaign is based upon the "UN Statistic" that "one in three women on the planet is raped or beaten in her lifetime". There is no data to back up this claim - believe me I've tried to find it. It's true that arguably research shows that one in three women on the planet, on average, has experienced some form of violence in her lifetime. However most of these will have said 'yes' to a survey asking whether they have ever been pushed or slapped. A single slap can be a troubling experience, yes, but it is far from being beaten or raped. One in three based on this definition seems like a very low figure, over an entire lifetime, across the entire planet.

And if you ask the same questions of men about their experience of violence, twice as many men would say "yes" compared to women. Men experience violence - from other men and from women - at twice the rate that women do, and at much more severe levels. But there have been no high profile public campaigns or UN conventions about violence against men that I'm aware of.

Yes, women (and men) are violently raped and beaten far too often - a single victim is one too many - but the way to reduce this violence is to fight against ALL violence, wholly and inclusively, against all people, male or female, white or black, muslim or christian or atheist, old or young, straight or gay, rich or poor. And to do so in a way that doesn't attack or stereotype any other group. And to not promote misinformation in the process.

One of the greatest ironies of the "man prayer" is that it calls on men to create space rather than dominate it. The entire discourse on gender and violence has been dominated by the "violence against women" perspective for many years now, creating no space for men and women to work together to end all violence.  

Yes, some of the positive messages from the video are great - men should be able to express themselves free from the constraints of masculinity (as should women, free from the constraints of femininity). But let's send these messages without the negative stereotypes please.

Much of my other work for the past 10 years has been working to change the social, legal and cultural structures that constrain men. The difference between the "man prayer" and the work of my colleagues and I is that we don't blame and shame individual men or masculinity (or individual women or femininity) for the way they are shaped by social norms and structures. We work to change those structures - whether it is the lack of family-friendly workplace provisions and cultures for fathers who want to play a bigger part in their children's lives, the lack of services for men and their children who want to escape abusive relationships, the lack of male-friendly health services, or the education system that is anything but boy-friendly. 

Men are giving, we are both vulnerable and strong, we do listen as well as knowing, we are kind, we like to be in control of our lives, we cry, we do refuse violence, we touch as well as performing, we cherish our experiences as well as getting there, we take our time but we move fast when it is necessary, we share our fears and our shame with those close to us, we cherish, respect and love both our parents (not just our mothers), and we love women, children, and all living things - including (gasp!) men - just as women do. And sometimes we fuck up - just like women do. We are as deeply and richly human as women are.

If we want men and boys to be the best they can be, we don't need "man prayers," we need services and practical support for males on the ground where it matters.

Greg Andresen
Editor
Mens Health Australia

Illustration by Ben Javens

Boys score as well as or better than girls on most standardized tests, yet they are far less likely to get good grades, take advanced classes or attend college. Why? A study coming out this week in The Journal of Human Resources gives an important answer. Teachers of classes as early as kindergarten factor good behavior into grades — and girls, as a rule, comport themselves far better than boys.

The study’s authors analyzed data from more than 5,800 students from kindergarten through fifth grade and found that boys across all racial groups and in all major subject areas received lower grades than their test scores would have predicted.

The scholars attributed this “misalignment” to differences in “noncognitive skills”: attentiveness, persistence, eagerness to learn, the ability to sit still and work independently. As most parents know, girls tend to develop these skills earlier and more naturally than boys.

No previous study, to my knowledge, has demonstrated that the well-known gender gap in school grades begins so early and is almost entirely attributable to differences in behavior. The researchers found that teachers rated boys as less proficient even when the boys did just as well as the girls on tests of reading, math and science. (The teachers did not know the test scores in advance.) If the teachers had not accounted for classroom behavior, the boys’ grades, like the girls’, would have matched their test scores.

That boys struggle with school is hardly news. Think of Shakespeare’s “whining schoolboy with his satchel and shining morning face, creeping like snail unwillingly to school.” Over all, it’s likely that girls have long behaved better than boys at school (and earned better grades as a result), but their early academic success was not enough to overcome significant subsequent disadvantages: families’ favoring sons over daughters in allocating scarce resources for schooling; cultural norms that de-emphasized girls’ education, particularly past high school; an industrial economy that did not require a college degree to earn a living wage; and persistent discrimination toward women in the workplace.

Those disadvantages have lessened since about the 1970s. Parents, especially those of education and means, began to value their daughters’ human capital as much as their sons’. Universities that had been dominated by affluent white men embraced meritocratic values and diversity of gender, race and class. The shift from a labor-intensive, manufacturing-reliant economy to a knowledge-based service economy significantly increased the relative value of college and postgraduate degrees. And while workplace inequities persisted, changing attitudes, legislation and litigation began to level the occupational playing field.

As these shifts were occurring, girls began their advance in education. In 1985, boys and girls took Advanced Placement exams at nearly the same rate. Around 1990, girls moved ahead of boys, and have never looked back. Women now account for roughly 60 percent of associate’s, bachelor’s and master’s degrees and have begun to outpace men in obtaining Ph.D.’s.

There are some who say, well, too bad for the boys. If they are inattentive, obstreperous and distracting to their teachers and peers, that’s their problem. After all, the ability to regulate one’s impulses, delay gratification, sit still and pay close attention are the cornerstones of success in school and in the work force. It’s long past time for women to claim their rightful share of the economic rewards that redound to those who do well in school.

Illustration by Ben Javens

As one critic told me recently, the classroom is no more rigged against boys than workplaces are rigged against lazy and unfocused workers. But unproductive workers are adults — not 5-year-olds. If boys are restless and unfocused, why not look for ways to help them do better? As a nation, can we afford not to?

A few decades ago, when we realized that girls languished behind boys in math and science, we mounted a concerted effort to give them more support, with significant success. Shouldn’t we do the same for boys?

When I made this argument in my book “The War Against Boys,” almost no one was talking about boys’ academic, social and vocational problems. Now, 12 years later, the press, books and academic journals are teeming with such accounts. Witness the crop of books in recent years: Leonard Sax’s “Boys Adrift,” Liza Mundy’s “The Richer Sex,” Hanna Rosin’s “The End of Men.”

For a revised version of the book, due out this summer, I’ve changed the subtitle — to “How Misguided Policies Are Harming Our Young Men” from “How Misguided Feminism Is Harming Our Young Men” — and moved away from criticizing feminism; instead I emphasized boy-averse trends like the decline of recess, zero-tolerance disciplinary policies, the tendency to criminalize minor juvenile misconduct and the turn away from single-sex schooling. As our schools have become more feelings-centered, risk-averse, collaboration-oriented and sedentary, they have moved further and further from boys’ characteristic sensibilities. Concerns about boys arose during a time of tech bubble prosperity; now, more than a decade later, there are major policy reasons — besides the stale “culture wars” of the 1990s — to focus on boys’ schooling.

One is the heightened attention to school achievement as the cornerstone of lifelong success. Grades determine entry into advanced classes, enrichment programs and honor societies. They open — or close — doors to higher education. “If grade disparities emerge this early on, it’s not surprising that by the time these children are ready to go to college, girls will be better positioned,” says Christopher M. Cornwell, an economist at the University of Georgia and an author of the new study, along with his colleague David B. Mustard and Jessica Van Parys of Columbia University.

A second reason is globalization. Richard Whitmire, an education writer, and William Brozo, a literacy expert, write that “the global economic race we read so much about — the marathon to produce the most educated work force, and therefore the most prosperous nation — really comes down to a calculation: whichever nation solves these ‘boy troubles’ wins the race.” That’s probably an overstatement, but we do know that the large-scale entry of women into the work force paid large economic dividends. It stands to reason that raising male academic achievement is essential to raising labor productivity and, ultimately, living standards.

A third reason: improving the performance of black, Latino and lower-income kids requires particular attention to boys. Black women are nearly twice as likely to earn a college degree as black men. At some historically black colleges, the gap is astounding: Fisk is now 64 female; Howard, 67 percent; Clark Atlanta, 75 percent. The economist Andrew M. Sum and his colleagues at the Center for Labor Market Studies at Northeastern University examined the Boston Public Schools and found that for the graduating class of 2007, there were 191 black girls for every 100 boys going on to attend a four-year college or university. Among Hispanics, the ratio was 175 girls for every 100 boys; among whites, 153 for every 100.

Young men from middle-class or more comfortable backgrounds aren’t lagging quite as far behind, but the gender gap exists there, too. Judith Kleinfeld, a psychology professor at the University of Alaska, Fairbanks, analyzed the reading skills of white males from college-educated families. She showed that at the end of high school, 23 percent of the these boys scored “below basic,” compared with 7 percent of their female counterparts. “This means that almost one in four boys who have college-educated parents cannot read a newspaper with understanding,” she wrote.

WHAT might we do to help boys improve? For one thing, we can follow the example of the British, the Canadians and the Australians. They have openly addressed the problem of male underachievement. They are not indulging boys’ tendency to be inattentive. Instead, they are experimenting with programs to help them become more organized, focused and engaged. These include more boy-friendly reading assignments (science fiction, fantasy, sports, espionage, battles); more recess (where boys can engage in rough-and-tumble as a respite from classroom routine); campaigns to encourage male literacy; more single-sex classes; and more male teachers (and female teachers interested in the pedagogical challenges boys pose).

These efforts should start early, but even high school isn’t too late. Consider Aviation High School in New York City. A faded orange brick building with green aluminum trim, it fits comfortably with its gritty neighbors — a steelyard, a tool-supply outlet and a 24-hour gas station and convenience store — in Long Island City, Queens.

On a visit to Aviation I observed a classroom of 14- and 15-year-olds focused on constructing miniaturized, electrically wired airplane wings from mostly raw materials. In another class, students worked in teams — with a student foreman and crew chief — to take apart and then rebuild a small jet engine in just 20 days. In addition to pursuing a standard high school curriculum, Aviation students spend half of the day in hands-on classes on airframes, hydraulics and electrical systems. They put up with demanding English and history classes because unless they do well in them, they cannot spend their afternoons tinkering with the engine of a Cessna 411.

The school’s 2,200 pupils — mostly students of color, from low-income households — have a 95 percent attendance rate and a 90 percent graduation rate, with 80 percent going on to college. The school is coed; although girls make up only 16 percent of the student population, they appear to be flourishing. The New York City Department of Education has repeatedly awarded Aviation an “A” on its annual school progress reports. U.S. News & World Report has cited it as one of the best high schools in the nation.

“The school is all about structure,” an assistant principal, Ralph Santiago, told me. The faculty emphasizes organization, precision, workmanship and attention to detail. The students are kept so busy and are so fascinated with what they are doing that they have neither the time nor the desire for antics.

Not everyone of either sex is interested in airplanes. But vocational high schools with serious academic requirements are an important part of the solution to male disengagement from school.

I can sympathize with those who roll their eyes at the relatively recent alarm over boys’ achievement. Where was the indignation when men dominated higher education, decade after decade? Isn’t it time for women and girls to enjoy the advantages? The impulse is understandable but misguided. I became a feminist in the 1970s because I did not appreciate male chauvinism. I still don’t. But the proper corrective to chauvinism is not to reverse it and practice it against males, but rather basic fairness. And fairness today requires us to address the serious educational deficits of boys and young men. The rise of women, however long overdue, does not require the fall of men.

Christina Hoff Sommers is a resident scholar at the American Enterprise Institute and the author of “The War Against Boys.”

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Legalizing Misandry: From Public Shame to Systemic Discrimination Against Men, despite its breadth, may have only skimmed the surface of the topic of institutionalized hatred against men in North American society, a “top-down” phenomenon with ideological third wave feminism as its source. Yet the book brings the full range of the current anti-male discourse in US and Canadian academic and legal circles into the spotlight, examining, among other issues, sexual abuse, violence against women, workplace harassment, child custody, prostitution and pornography, and human rights as entitlements.

From New Male Studies: An International Journal - Vol. 2, Issue 1, 2013, pp. 82-84.

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