Finding a way through the pain of separation

Dean Mason, chairman of Dads in Distress Support Services, whose book, Daddy's OK, will be launched tomorrow. Photo: Jason South

When Tim's* marriage ended more than a decade ago, the Melbourne teacher who was living alone in his small workshop, thought about throwing himself under his power saw - more than once.

"There was a time when I just couldn't get the thought out of my head," he says now. "I came very close a couple of times."

The only thing that stopped him, he says, was the memory of a troubled student he had taught years earlier, whose father had taken his life following the breakdown of his own marriage. That boy's father also happened to be one of Tim's oldest friends.

"He couldn't handle being separated from his kids … but I saw what my mate's death did to that boy and I knew I couldn't do that to my children."

Tim's story of despair is one Dean Mason, a fellow divorcee and chairman of Dads in Distress Support Services - for separated men - has heard many times before.

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A happy Father's Day ahead - well, for some men at least

Every year, tens of thousands of Australian children are not able to wish their dad, or their granddad, a happy Father's Day due to their parents being separated or divorced.

What does that tell us, that fathers who don't see their children are "deadbeat dads"?

In a recent case federal magistrate Tom Altobelli made some surprising admissions in awarding a mother sole custody of her two children: "Their mother has indeed alienated them from their father … the mother's perception of the father is based on illusion not reality … She is not being malicious or malevolent, she is quite simply shackled by a distorted frame of reality … She believes the father is a risk to the children when he is not."

It is remarkable, and a relief, that Altobelli wrote the children a letter explaining his decision. But the isolation still felt by their father must be extreme. Many fathers - or mothers in similar situations - experience debilitating mental health issues while they work through various aspects of being a separated non-custodial parent.

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Court rules "fun" dad should have access cut

A father accused of having all the fun with his daughter while his former partner dealt with the "drudgery and hard work" has lost half his contact visits.

The dad was also accused of failing to acknowledge the six-year-old girl was suffering from separation anxiety after spending every weekend of the school year with him.

The custody deal was described as "unusual in the extreme" and was pared back yesterday after the mother lodged an appeal in the Federal Magistrate Court in Brisbane.

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Parents' access rights after divorce enshrined in law (UK)

The right of both divorced fathers and mothers to see their children is to be enshrined in law for the first time as part of changes to family justice, despite warnings from the government's independent review and lawyers that it would "clog the courts".

In a consultation paper the government will propose amending the law to explicitly recognise the importance of children having a relationship with both parents after separation.

According to the government, studies show that following a divorce, 90% of children reside "mainly" with one of their parents – with just 12% of these children living with their father. This "bias", say Whitehall sources, needs to be corrected.

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A wasted opportunity to engage with the literature on the implications of attachment research for family court professionals

Anti-shared parenting lobbyists in Australia, the U.K and U.S made much of Jennifer McIntosh's "findings" that no overnight stays or joint physical custody is best for toddlers. Professor Lamb however, sheds light on a central problem with her research. Does she tend to present her information in a way favourable to her point of view? Rather than reviewing relevant information objectively, has the researcher-turned-advocate shaped the data to prop-up the outcome she wishes to achieve? Tangential to McIntosh’s misrepresentations of the literature, her attempt to prop up the numbers as guest editor of the Family Court Review is also revealed.

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